I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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