i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
