I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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