i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
