Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
