I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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