I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
