What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
