He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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