I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
