Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
