There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
