omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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