**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
