We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
