WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
