No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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