She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
