Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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