By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
