dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
