My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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