I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
