the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
