the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
