; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
where are you?
Hypothermia
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i've created a new STD.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
