so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
