Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
