3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
