i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
