I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
