I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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