she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
