life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
