We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
