Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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