I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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