after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
