lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
