Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
