he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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