I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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