Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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