last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
