omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
