We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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