shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We need to get me chipped asap
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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