So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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