And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
