im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
