we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
