you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
